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edvard's madonna

January 2013

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edvard's madonna

times change

dear livejournal,

you poor thing; you must have assumed i abandoned you years ago. the truth is, since my days of textbooks, innocence, and sobriety, i've endured the backlash of satan's temptations. ... aka i quit school, got ugly,  and became a junkie. recently i caught my mom typing a journal-like entry into windows wordpad, supposedly considering writing a story about her unfortunate life. upon reading what she'd written, i was reminded of you, sweet listener of all problems, my livejournal account. the layout of the site has changed drastically since i last visited, and i hadn't the slightest clue of my username, let alone the password. after weeks of trial and error with different email accounts from yahoo, hotmail, etc. i found a mutual friend with an account linking me back to you. GOD BLESS. starting today, i will begin to record entries at least twice a week. probably more.

you've been missed so much. there's so much to tell, but i have work soon.

let's just start by saying i didn't so much QUIT school as much as i was financially incapable of continuing my education. my mom's debilitating cirrhosis and abundance of ulcers in 2004 left her without a job, and as a result, i started working to help support the household. obviously one high school grad couldn't earn enough to support a household, so we ended up selling the house and moving up to relatively rural nashua.

the only friends who remained from high school introduced me to an exciting new lifestyle. her name was ms. brownstone. she numbed all my pain, and induced euphoria. however, after years spent with her, i'd find myself sick (nearly to death) if she wasn't around (my veins, heh). after years of struggling: one arrest, four addicted boyfriends, two addicted girlfriends, one bout of homelessness, several scams and ripoffs, one ass-kicking, and three deaths (drug related, at least two more that weren't drug related), i came to my senses. thanks to all that, in addition to the weakness of my dealer's product, i made the decision to quit. it was hard. i couldn't have done it without suboxone, the support of my mom, and prayer. true, i won't know for certain if God exists until i die, somehow He has helped me clean up my life. i haven't used since i started praying to Him nightly. coincidence? i hope not.

well boy or girl, that wraps it up for now. i have to finish getting ready for "hi this is kerri calling on behalf of (bleep). your home has been selected for (bleep)." hopefully i can get at least two bleeps scheduled, or my ass is grass.

tee tea why elle! xo

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