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Oct. 6th, 2003

edvard's madonna

. I want candy. Really. I need it now! .

I was dismissed today due to my untamed menstrual cramps causing me massive pain and "the shakes." Plus, I had gone to school unprepared and got menstrual blood all over my pants. Sexy. My mom picked me up, since my unmotivated ass is still license-less. At home, I took some pills and forced myself to nap. When I woke up, we drove down to my school and got David, who was, strangely, also ill. I'm taking care of him, now. And I feel much better, but I should really seek those pills the doctor was telling me about...

I had a Pre-Calculus test today. It was orgasmic. Actually, just the opposite. I failed it for sure. First of all, grimaching in pain the entire class wasn't helping me concentrate on problems that I had no idea how to solve. And, of course, not having enough time was a kick in the ass, too. Seeing as how half the class stayed 15 minutes into lunch and STILL didn't finish, I think she should have given us another class... Or maybe I'm just not as intelligent as I used to be? My mother DID tell me to "stop smoking weed." Yeah, you too.

:-/ Dramatic weekend. But I love him. So much. I have this feeling...

I got a "greatestjournal." Got the idea from an LJ friend. Great idea, LJ friend! Imagine if everyone stopped using livejournal, and used something different. Do it. You get privleges of a paid account. :winks:

I'm still a thief.Collapse )

Sep. 25th, 2003

edvard's madonna

. Why am I unhappy? .

As usual, I have waited way too long to update. Every night, I tell myself to update, but between hanging out with David, going to school, and only coming home to do homework and sleep, it's virtually impossible.

School sucks. Although, I did get my schedule changed. :) The classes are much more tolerable, but I've been investing almost all my spare time in making up work for classes that I just joined, or those that were ahead of my original class. Oh yeah. My school gave out these gay card things to sell. Tomorrow, if you haven't sold all of your cards, you have to go to the principal to return the cards you didn't sell. You know what that means. DETENTION! Anyone want to start an uproar with me if this is the case? Because now I'm definitly not going to sell any.

Wow. I have some spectacular news! I almost forgot to write about it, too. Guess who moved back in. I'll give you ONE guess. ... ... YES! The junkie. Who would have thought that my mother would let him back in? :raises hand: She said the only other option was taking me out of LCHS... even though he was secretly already moved in at the time. Ha. Loser.

I was going to write something about David, but he seen it and now he's hardcore moody. SIGH. I just suck. I can't write/talk to anyone or anything about my love life. Saturday = our anniversary = 5 months... Uh huh.

Lots of homework this weekend. I need a job so bad. I'm poor. And guess who wants a new guitar. No, don't guess that. Guess who is wasting all of her money on it. Yeah. Guess that. Chivalry is dead.

Sep. 21st, 2003

edvard's madonna

. "she does really good impressions..." .

:sighs: As all marvelous days, this has come to a horrible end. You know what I mean; one of those ends where something bad happens that cancels out the greatness of the day. All I have to say to everyone is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that everyone, including myself, is so damn bitter. And I'm sorry that no one, including myself, can grow the fuck up. I didn't want it to be this way, but if we all part our seperate ways for good, I think conditions will improve. :-/

And I just found out that I have two papers to write tonight. I know the drill. Work until 12. Sleep until 4. Finish papers.

So how about the better part of the day? At 12, Danielle picked David and I up. She brought us to her house and we met her pets. We spent the better part of the visit searching for things. All of us, including Rachel, drove somewhere far away.. and then went to my house. ..Then, we got some food. Theeeen, we came back here and watched Night of the Demons. My house is so boring and ghetto. :( I was ashamed but at the same time I was so happy because now I actually have non-David friends. :D But because David was there, I was even happier. So I was like :DD. Anyway, they ended up leaving around 9, I walked David home.. And here I am now, updating, and procrastinating. Two papers to do... :(... I hate school.

P.S. I bombed my English test. I didn't have enough time to finish, and I couldn't stay after school. :sighs: My schedule might not get changed either. Things are slowly fucking up. It's not a pretty sight. :-/ But I'm glad I at least have FRIENDS and my boyfriend to live it out, now (if they can all still stand me! hah)...

Sep. 15th, 2003

edvard's madonna

. stressed to the bone .

Anger... stress... woof.

I hate school. Truly. Why wouldn't the guidance counselors just change my classes when I asked the first five times? I'm not taking AP History. No way. I'm reading the syllabus I received on the first day and it's ridiculous. One day to outline a 30 paged chapter and present it to the class? Haha! RIGHT! Anyway, I pretty much flipped my pancreas this weekend and decided to throw a procrastination fiesta, which caused me to be super stressed. Being sick makes this whole experience 100 times better, too. :growls:

Although Friday was the last day to change classes, I am going to speak to Mr. Jerez tomorrow and try to get THIS schedule...

1. REGULAR calculus
2. h. english iv
3. theology iv
4. anatomy
5. spanish iv independant study (this is mr. jerez's free block... I'm praying he will have the kindess in his heart to take me in as an I.S. student then. It's not like I'll be bothering him...)
6. creative writing

Last night, I had another dream about mutilated animals. I'm starting to notice a freaky trend. Whenever I dream of mutilated animals, something bad is about to happen. And something kind of bad DID happen today. Hrm. Something to think about.

Well. I'm off to play Starcraft with my lover.. Um. Everyone wish me luck with my classes, or else, I'm switching to LHS. And you DON'T want that. :)

Sep. 13th, 2003

edvard's madonna

. "Your piercing eye will dim and darken; and death will arrive, dear warrior, to sweep you away." .

Beautiful words.

I'm getting sick. How awesome is that? My throat is swollen, I'm having consistent headaches, I get sharp pains in my stomach--- And being on the rag isn't helping at all. Come on everyone.. Maybe this is the big one. Hah. YEAH, DEATH! *AIDS* *AIDS* [inside joke with David]

It's definitly sad that it took me five days to update. That sucks. Well, whatever. It's not like many people read my journal... It just used to be so damn detailed... something to look back at. Now it's nothing. Ok...

My lover is asleep on the futon. I was laying with him, but his incessant snoring was annoying the living hell out of me, which I suppose was a good thing, but I ended up leaving anyway. Moved to my room, watched "While You Were Out," listened to music, the usual. What I don't understand is, why can't I sleep tonight? Every night this entire week, I've wanted to sleep at 9 or 10 but couldn't because of school work. Now, although I still have a ton of work, I have the opportunity to sleep, and can't.

...He seems to have stopped snoring though, so maybe I'll pull a slick one and sleep with him tonight. My mother hasn't said anything about us being "comfortable" lately (she's too old-fashioned and doesn't allow us to lay together, without a blanket, let alone with one).

Something else super cool happened, too. You know how much I want to leave AP US History? :looks at clock: Yesterday, I went to the guidance counselor and demanded him to replace history with creative writing. Guess what he does. He hands me an independent study sheet and says I can take it as a seventh class! While all of you Lowell Catholic students take your six classes, I'll be taking six, and a seventh at home. Hah! It's creative writing.. How hard can it be? *doomed for life*

Sep. 7th, 2003

edvard's madonna

. "Maybe you'll never remember me. Maybe my face will lose these scars." .

Grr. David isn't here. When David isn't here, I'm not a happy camper. I need to talk to David. Most people are too stupid. I have such high intolerance for stupid people.

People suck. People who want to forget about me, forget about me. Please. How hard is it to not pause and listen when my name is said then complain about it to no end? Really. Live. I do. And for those of you who want to be, you know, best friends forever, act like it. Don't try to avoid me because new blood is way cool and can support your reputation. Remember so many other times... You've got a grenade stuck in your teeth, and you're pulling at the pin.

This is ridiculous. I don't think I have any really close friends anymore. Just David. Friends don't disown you for not obeying their every command. Friends don't disown you for not buying them things. Friends don't lie. Friends need to stop showing their true colors because these ugly shades are REALLY a turn off.

I have so much school work to do tomorrow that should have already been done. My anatomy paper needs to be completed. I hate school. I hate myself, the procrastinator. I don't hate David. But I've been treating him with too much disrespect lately. He doesn't deserve my moodiness. Things are going to change. If my friends can't appreciate what I try to do for them, they can move on. And if people who want to be my friends are only fronting, they can stop lying to me.

I want sleep. I want my boyfriend.

Sep. 4th, 2003

edvard's madonna

. I'm a senior. Plt .

I hate school. I really hate school. The new principal is hardcore strict. My classes are hard, too. Some I didn't even sign up for. Theology isn't bad; Spanish... lots of work, but it's an independant study, so it's ok; English... six page character analysis due in a few days; Anatomy is going to be so goddamn hard (first day he gave us a test and a paper to do); AP US History I kind of want to get out of seeing as how I didn't originally sign up for it. That's going to be so hard. And Pre-Calculus. I want to switch into the college class. I don't think I can handle honors. Math is my weakest subject, most of the time... How am I going to handle this insane course where you teach yourself? I HATE teachers that make you learn yourself.

I love David. Yesterday, I let him take the day off from me. But he got the wrong idea and thought I was mad at him, so he was upset all day. :( My poor honey. He's leaving me again this weekend too. JEEZ. Hopefully, I'll be able to spend the night with him tomorrow. He's here now. We're eating pizza. But you know what? I'm craving candy!! Gr.

:sighs: I'm tired. I'm going to sleep next to my love now.

P.S. Nope, still no battery. Don't think I'm getting it. Meh. I guess I don't deserve it... You know... Since I'm so awful.

Aug. 30th, 2003

edvard's madonna

. It's not really Saturday, it's 2 in the morning on Sunday .

A few hours ago, I was in desperate need of an update. No, not one of those casual, boring updates; one of those angsty updates that would have to go in my deadjournal. Things are so different when David isn't around. I miss him too much. :sighs: Y'know, everyone claims that healthy couples fight every now and then, but David and I rarely fight. We've gotten into one fight [the whole running his mouth thing :/]. Despite our lack of "healthy" dissention, we are perfectly happy. I am, anyway. You'll have to ask him for his opinion. Anyway, I was thinking, maybe if two people are "right" for each other, no fights would come up. Or maybe I'm nuts and we're still in our fascination stage?

Did I mention why he was gone? He went with his brother, sister, etc. to Cape Cod until Monday. :( There goes our romantic weekend. Gr. Well, Shay has been kind enough to spend time with me- looking out for me so I don't accidently kill myself. We took bunches of pictures today. I thought I'd make a little segment about what we did to pull me out of my Davidless slum...

In the words of Shay, Surprise!Collapse )

Aug. 26th, 2003

edvard's madonna

. six days later .

Everyone is going back to school. Luckily, I still have a few more days. I believe I go back on Tuesday. Returning to the factory of anxiety and stress... I can't wait.

Although I haven't had to attend school, like some of my friends, I still walked Shay to school today. She bitched the whole way there. And I can't blame her for doing so. School is awful. Lowell High must be worse than Lowell Catholic, too. Ugh. So, to calm her down, we went to Dunkin Donuts and got two french vanilla iced coffees. As we were leaving, I seen my David. :) I walked with them to the very end, then went home to enjoy one of my final days of rest and sloth. Around 1, I went to the library and got a book, then went back downtown to pick up David [and company]. I seen Terry and Lauren there. They rule, but David so pulled me away from them. Hehe. Cute. Hopefully, we can all get together some other time.

Tomorrow is the four month anniversary. I know I'm not getting a gift, so why should I bother giving him one? Hah. No, I let him "borrow" my huge PA-like amp. Since David's brother is back from his summer home, he is Now Open's drummer. Everyone was busy today, so it was just the four of us at Ben's, but tomorrow, everyone will be there. Shay better go, because I'll feel so awkward alone. :(

Uh. I'm walking Shay to school in the morning. But I doubt I'll be able to pick her up. I have to go to that pre-freshmen orientation. :-/ Not fun. Eh. Oh well.

Something tells me that was the most uncoordinated entry ever... Like I just threw in a bunch of facts...

Aug. 20th, 2003

edvard's madonna

. c a n n i b a l i s m .

"...just imagine living in a hut ,buried twelve feet below the snow, where the sight and the smell of the scattered carcasses of loved ones at your feet is... the lay of the land; just another day. - Rasputina

You know what scares the living hell out of me? Cannibalism. I'd rather starve to death than eat the flesh of a dead human. Does anyone agree? I've talked to some people who claim they would resort to cannibalism. :shudders: Occasionally, I'll think too much about a situation in early pioneering years where cannibalism was an issue, and I'll get the shakes. Hah. I have problems.

Today hasn't been productive. David is babysitting, so I'm not being social and stuff. I've been trying to look for a way to entertain myself, but nothing appears amusing aside from things I can't do (i.e. play SNES [David's game data mysteriously disappears when the console is unplugged]). Shay should be returning from Virginia tomorrow. Maybe she can play FF3 with me at 2 in the morning again. Delirium is funny. "Level 9... Dinnertime."

Oh. Yesterday, I had a physical. I requested some pills, but the doctor wasn't having it. Heh. My mother needs to schedule an appointment for me to get.. uhh.. violently swabbed. I'm not looking forward to that. But hopefully, when that's over and done with, I can get some pills that put an end to my ghastly menstrual cramps.

Something decent resulted from the visit to the doctor: he told me I was "10 pounds lighter than 70% of girls [my] age." Self-esteem... boost? WHOA. Unfortunately, that's still about 115 pounds Hah. I hate my home scale. 110 pounds, ey?

Does anyone have access to, or know where I could find, a needle and syringe?

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