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edvard's madonna

January 2013

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edvard's madonna

a look back

Years ago I never thought I'd be where I am today. My hopes and dreams are unreachable. This will be brief... I really just wanted to check in, so that when I die, people can see that I updated my livejournal on August 28, 2010. Just kidding.

There are so many entries. I realize now that it will take a long time to find, and then answer a survey I'd previously completed. Surely it will happen at some point. Just not today. My job is making me crazy. I'm NO good at it. Every day I enter the building I fear getting fired. Should I give my 2 weeks before I get fired, and leave on a good note? or is it possible to get fired (due to lack of sales) and still remain cordial with my employer. Maybe not cordial... just capable of providing a positive reference. Hmm...

I was so into Will back then. My first love. Haha. I still talk to him every few months, but he's having a hard time getting through Hell. So am I. I pride myself on not having done you-know-what in almost a year, but I'm still an addict. The cure for the addiction is a horrible addiction itself. Will I ever get better?

My first entry indicated that I was very agnostic, if not an atheist. Since the beginning of the year I've been praying nightly, and attempting a good spiritual relationship with God. However, whenever something bad happens to me I attribute it to God's wrath, which is stupid. On the other hand, I do give Him credit when good things happen. But the former is a bad habit that needs to stop. It's not His fault. It's mine. And just bad luck. He's gotta be really busy helping others who are much more worse off than myself. I just hope I haven't been forgotten, or forsaken because of my disrespectful behavior. Please forgive me. xo